I grew up in Utah...that much is obvious-at least to those people who know me; but, saying that entails so much more than my Colorado people realize. It means even from a young age, I wanted the fairy tale. The rest of the world thinks that marriage is more like an option rather than a priority...there is always "time later" to find someone and raise a family-AFTER. That stupid word drives me crazy...after I'm successful in my career, after I finish school, after I'm financially stable, and the list goes on. I don't understand why people continually put off the most important thing.And, for that matter, why is it that I'm continually criticized for wanting that. People here just don't understand...the only advice they have to offer is the reminder of my youth."Your only twenty...you have plenty of time." Great...downplay my heartache because I'm not old enough to supposedly know what "real love" is. Mostly all of my friends are married, engaged, or have kids; and, it's easy to feel lost in the shuffle...to feel like I'm being left behind because I haven't found that yet. It wasn't really on my mind until this last year, and for a minute I desperately wanted the security-the fulfillment, the joy that comes from having that one person you can tell everything to, laugh with, trust completely and cry with...forever and ever. And, because of that, I lost myself a little bit. I tried SO hard to make it work that I didn't care about all the little things that should matter. This year, I truly fell in love for the first time.
          Of course at first, nothing matters...there are no flaws to be seen, no fights to be had, and no tears to be shed. Its all stars and smiles...laughter fills up every day and the thought that it might not work never arises. There is never time to stop and consider that maybe that person won't feel the same. Everything I saw was beautiful...HE was beautiful. I have never truly opened my heart so much to one person and because of that, I wasn't cautious at all. I couldn't help but give the entire thing to him-the only person I ever have. Of course early on I didn't think it was love...mostly infatuation and giddiness; but, as time passed by and my complete and utter trust was dented, I realized there was nothing I wouldn't endure...nothing I wouldn't fight for...nothing I wouldn't do for him. This realization both thrilled and terrified me; but, instead of fight it I decided to just give in and go with it. Things happened, people came in between us, lies started flowing freely and soon I realized I was in love with a person who wasn't on the same page as me...not about anything. That hurt. Especially because as our time together decreased, as the text messages changed, as we grew apart...I realized I missed him in a way that nothing else could replace. The emptiness and loneliness I began to feel is indescribable. My heart was broken for the first time. No matter what I did, who I talked to, or what song I played, nothing changed that. I wasn't sure what to do-I had NO idea how to handle it. There are no rules, no guide, no recipe for eliminating the grief that comes from an ending. 
          It is a challenge to wake up every morning...sleep is the only escape and that's because in your dreams nothing has changed yet. When my eyes open, it all comes flooding back and the rush of devastation comes back all at once, knocking the breath out of me in one swift motion. Mediocre tasks try to keep me busy but the back of my mind is always thinking about how my heart has dropped out of my chest and it feels like it has honestly stopped beating. After seven days of crying my eyes out twenty four hours a day, I went into a music coma. Music is amazing. Everyone who knows me knows how much music can influence my mood, so naturally I listened to all of the heartbreak, heartache, sad, sappy, lonely, country songs and strangely...I found comfort. I realized that despite the fact that I was experiencing my first heartache, I was not going through it alone. Initially, its the sadness that overtakes you; but, after that wares off its the void that becomes the worst...the afterthought.
          Moving on is the absolute hardest part, trying to find someone new while the old person is still in your every move, every thought...then trying to reopen yourself up, re risk everything, learn to trust again. It's torture. Mostly, its discouraging and there seems no point in pursuing it at all. For me, I don't think that I will ever love anyone the way that I loved him. I resent him for that...a little; because, he never put it all out there the way I did. I am glad that I will never have to regret him knowing how I feel.  Then there's the awful comparison thing we all do...no one can make me laugh like him, no one's voice can sooth me like him, no one else is HIM. How could I want anyone else? So I'm stuck. I can't move on-mostly because I don't want to...but I don't like being in love with a stranger. People change-sometimes we watch it happen and we wish we could stop it, or change it somehow; but, we can't. 
          For the first time in my life, I don't want the fairy tale...I don't want just one person to trust or talk to, I don't even want a relationship. Mostly? Because I can't do it anymore. I'm broken. I'm not sure if it will ever change-though I hope in time my desire for love will rekindle the way it once was. We all start out fresh, new...untouched-then when real life hits and slowly our faith starts to slip away. I was a believer...until I met him. Now, I don't know if I was ever meant to be loved. I feel as if I can only give so much...I don't ask for much, I don't need much to get by; but, I need a little and right now I am out for the count. I wanted to play the game; but, the game played me...and I can't help but think that I can't EVER let that happen to me EVER again. I will never give someone the opportunity to hurt me-not the way he did. So I have decided that maybe Colorado is right...in her own way. Maybe Utah experiences too many fairy tale's to understand why Colorado puts everything else first. Living here has helped me understand why people are so selfish...they're just afraid. So really, they aren't waiting until after their career starts...or after they are financially stable...they are waiting until AFTER their heart heals enough from the first time. Now, for me, there is nothing left to do but wait. 

i am the only me.

I am who I am...

I try way too hard to please the people around me.
I ALWAYS fill my cereal bowl up too full.
I can drink an entire gallon of milk by myself in two days.
I will NEVER give up on love.
I put my whole heart into everything I do; because, I don't do things half way.
I'm OCD about cleaning.
I fall hard and faster than most people.
I love going to sleep with wet hair; even though, it means it will be crazy in the morning.
I am IN LOVE with reading-a complete bookworm.
I feel like movies are captured magic.
I appreciate music in a way that most people can't.
I love eating snap peas with chip's ahoy cookies.
I NEVER match my socks.
I love painting my nails crazy colors that don't make sense.
I try too hard at EVERYTHING.
I desperately want to be accepted and loved.
I feel insecure and inadequate on a daily.
I think that romen noodles is an important food group.
I dye my hair as often as I change my sheets.
I LOVE to write...anything and everything-its my passion.
I want to be a teacher because I want to make a difference-regardless of the pay.
I LOVE sports...any and every kind.
I'm a tom boy at heart-and i ALWAYS will be;but, I still know how to feel pretty sometimes.
I put everything out there much too soon.
I give a lot more than I take.
I need to be held every once in a while.
I love daisies. 
I love hot showers.
I cry almost every day for no apparent reason.
I am IN LOVE with my comforter.
I let people in.
I love the color blue...but I secretly like pink too. 
I love playing with eye shadow colors.
I really love earrings that dangle. 
I am 20 years old and I still have footy pajamas.
I make time to LISTEN to people.
I love doing nice things for random people.
I love going out to dinner.
I truly am afraid of all the scary movies people laugh at.
I love having my hand held.
I like talking on the phone MUCH more than texting.
I LOVE bubble baths.
I LOVE fireplaces.
I love love LOVE the rain more than anything in the world.
I will give anybody a fair chance.
I believe that laughter is the best medicine for anything.
I love chocolate like a fat kid loves cake :)
I think Resess needs its own food group to be truly appreciated.
I love getting thirst busters at any and every gas station.
I love how smooth my legs are after I shower.
I don't need the latest and greatest of anything, I would rather go without so that someone else can have it.
I work hard and play hard.
I laugh much too loud.
I get the hiccups everyday and they are ALWAYS obnoxious.
I always see the good in people even when all they want to show is the bad.
I am a marshmallow...I let people walk all over me. 
I don't regret.
I'm a completely HOPELESS romantic. 
I believe in romance...and I LOVE to be kissed softly and slowly.
I have read pride and prejudice about sixteen times.
I still LOVE Britney Spears AND the backstreet boys <3
I am a country girl at heart, but I still LOVE to rap.
I am an EMOTIONAL girl.
I like going for walks.
I try to be extra thoughtful.
I LOVE with all my heart.
I cherish my friends openly and often.
I'm afraid to try new things, but when I do-I usually love them.
I pretend that I hate to hike; but, when I'm on top of the mountain I'm always glad I went.
I HATE shopping...with a passion.
I am inspired by the little things in life...I see what most people miss.
I hear the sound of children laughing and my heart is happier instantly.
I DREAM big.
I watch Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives, One Tree Hill and all those other silly drama's.
I sometimes fall in love with fictional characters.
I believe people can change even when they don't.
I clean like a beast if I have a great soundtrack.
I watch tangeled like every other day.
I say I LOVE YOU too much...but I always mean it.
I'm afraid of getting hurt but I'm not a coward.
I pretend I'm tough, but I'm really just a softie.
I adore my piano and the peace it brings me.
I will never apologize for being me.

New Years Eve

          New Years Eve was a LOT of fun this year. I spent the night walking up and down 16th street downtown. I was with two of my great friends and I met a new one as well. We danced in the street, laughed, talked, danced some more and explored every inch and corner of that place. There were so  many different kinds of people it was just awesome. Diversity is one of my favorite things in life. As we passed people, I noticed all of the scarves, hats, coats, dresses, gloves and boots I just laughed a little. It really is amazing to me how many different kinds of people there are. Every single color, ethnicity, style, and type of person you could ever imagine was on that street last night and everyone came together for one reason: to forget this year and look forward to a new beginning. The music was as different as the people and the costumes all really tied it together. I got to experience a little bit of what living in a real city was like. There were fireworks and more tall buildings on one block than I have ever seen in my life. Last night, I experienced DENVER for real ... and it was simply amazing.
          At the same time, I did a lot of reflecting last night. I was walking around listening to the music and chatter of people passing by and it was really really loud; but, all I could hear was the sound of my brain moving a thousand miles a minute. So many people were walking with purpose...to a party perhaps?...to the next big spot...walking...walking...walking forward looking ahead and none of them were appreciating the moment. I was so wrapped up in the moment-in living, breathing, and experiencing every second of last night. I'm a people watcher...ya I know probably a little creepy. But, I just love to watch people. I watched them dance, talk, kiss, run, laugh, cry, and play. I wondered to myself about what other people must think when they see me. First impressions are such a funny thing. They hardly ever adequately represent the true light and personality of people. Still-however misleading they are, they guide our thinking. 
          As the countdown was starting, everyone moved into the center square and people were shouting and laughing and screaming...it was truly the most crowded and loudest moment of my life. I have never been surrounded by so many people; and yet, I have never felt so truly alone as I did in that moment. I started the new year and I realized I have no one. Imagine never being alone and ALWAYS feeling lonely. There was a couple right behind us and they kissed at midnight and just as everyone was applauding the fireworks, I looked over and noticed that all they saw was each other. The look in her eyes was just incredible. In that moment I was more jealous of a single stranger than anyone I have ever met. He looked at her and it seemed like they could have been anywhere, done anything, and been completely happy-as long as they were together. I wondered for a second...if anyone would ever look at me like that. I realized that the beginning of this year is the beginning of a new adventure for ME...just me. I'm starting a new journey all by myself. Next year when the clock strikes twelve, I want to have a different feeling-even if I'm still alone...I want to feel strong. 
          For so long I have been alone and I have been okay with it but in the last six months I have started to become so ridiculously "Cinderella minded" that I have forgot about being strong, independent, and happy all by myself. I need to start trying to make myself happy and STOP worrying about other people. Cinderella has got to go! I can't please everyone-I'm done trying. One day I will meet someone who wants to build a life and a relationship with me; but, for now I need to stop focusing on the fact that I'm not enough. Honestly, I am a very smart person-I work hard, I study, I'm funny, I am a genuinely sweet person. Anyone who doesn't want to be in my life doesn't deserve to be-period. I am done feeling inadequate. I'm going to start focusing on my strengths. To anyone and everyone who has helped me, thank you. This is a truly a new year...and my new beginning. 

The Song Of My Heart...

          Music is such an incredible thing. Listen to any song and it can absolutely change your mood. There is a playlist for every emotion. I have my jam out/kick a cleaning list, my work out list, my sad I just got rejected list, and my happy singing in the car-roll down the window and put on my lip gloss list. I also have an angry at the world list, and an I feel like singing list. Music just helps me figure out what I'm feeling. When I listen to a sad song, it's like the lyrics reach into my soul and I start to relate to the artist. I'm sure it sounds super corny but it's the truth. Whenever I experience pain, it's so easy to feel like no one else in the entire world knows how I feel. Its as if the world should stop for my sadness...but it doesn't. Life goes on and people continue on in their life and I keep feeling isolated, lonely, and angry. Yet, every once in a while I hear a song and for a moment I stop. I stop feeling sorry for myself and I realize that somewhere in this big world there is someone else who is hurting...someone else who's pain is like mine-someone else who had their heart broken and know's what it feels like to feel so small and so insignificant...so unimportant that you believe no one would even notice if you just disappeared. There is some comfort in knowing that SOMEONE out in the world feels that too. I will never meet them, I won't ever know their name or their circumstance...I won't know their heart; but, something magic brings us together-the music...the lyrics that individualize our pain. 

Christmas Time

          Last night I picked out my very first Christmas tree with my cousin. We bought all sorts of decorations, lights, ornaments, silly window stickers and of course some holiday cookies. We listened to Christmas music and the spirit and magic of the season really came alive. It was a new experience decorating something in my own apartment...usually I just go home to my parent's house for Christmas and all of the decorations are already up; but, it was really a fun thing to do. Our little four foot tree isn't much, but somehow it's just perfect. There is something amazing about Christmas time, I feel like it really brings out the BEST in people. We tend to be more giving and more Christ like because it's so easy to feel grateful for all of the things we have been blessed with.
           When I was younger, I remember one Christmas in particular. We were really struggling financially and we couldn't even afford a tree that year. My parents sat us down and told us we were only going to get one present each this year. I was a little kid, so naturally I didn't understand why Santa was all of a sudden on a budget; but, my dad still worked hard to make sure we each had a present. My family was just a little at rock bottom. I remember we didn't have heat in our house and it was so cold you could see your breath, so all six of us (my parents, two brothers, my sister and I) all slept in the same room-on the floor by the fireplace to try and get some heat during the nights. I remember this chapter of my life very specifically because it really brought us closer together as a family. 
          Anyway, that Christmas morning we woke up and there was a note on our front door...it said, "Christmas is on the back porch." My parents looked at each other confused and all of us kids ran outside and sure enough there it was-a beautiful tall Christmas tree and bags of presents. We brought the tree inside and opened up all of the presents and to this day I can't remember what I actually got. I just remember the feeling...the experience. My parents still have no idea who it was that gave us Christmas that year; but, it's a lesson I have never forgotten and it has made a lasting impression on me. Every Christmas I think of that day. I wonder who gave up their own presents to bring me one. 
          The entire thing was simply and purely the kind of charity and Christ like love we all strive to possess. It brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. What an incredible thing this was. It sort of gives you hope-hearing stories like this. For me, I feel as if my confidence in mankind is restored. People do still care. There is still kindness and sacrifice and LOVE in the world. I want to do something like this for someone else one day. I think when people do things for you, it makes you want to reach out and contribute as well-sort of like a world wide 'chain of love.' We're all brought here to take care of each other but sometimes the selfish hype and excitement of the number of presents, money spent, and gifts received overtake us. The idea of Santa is a nice one-for little kids especially; but, we can't remember the true cause for celebration. The reason for  Christmas is and always will be: CHRIST. 
          How sad would it be if on his birthday (although I realize his actual birthday is April 6th, but still come on Christmas is about celebrating him)...but what if his birthday was about us. What if Christ's name was never spoken or praised or celebrated? CHRISTmas is about taking time to appreciate what you do have and help those who have less feel loved and blessed as well. I have a good life. I have struggled sure, but I've always had a roof over my head, clothes on my body, and food in my mouth. I have been so blessed to have amazing and supportive parents and siblings that make life worth living. I have music, laughter, and joy in my life. God has been extremely generous to me and I know I don't take as much time as I should to stop and say thank you, but that's one of the great things about Christmas.
          Christmas is NOT about presents; but, I try to be thoughtful and sincere in my gift choice because it's a way to show the people around you how much they mean to you. A few years ago at Christmas, I made my parents a DVD. It had pictures and music and clips of us kids talking to them. I think it really turned out good. It made me feel good though; because, I found a way to adequately express myself. We are lucky to have so much. Success isn't measured by the dollar amount on your paycheck, or the number of cars and houses you have...it's about the way that you treat people and the decisions you make. I love Christmas because it truly is a wonderful time to stop the hustle and bustle of everyday life and just...smile. My family has a tradition of making treats and taking them around to neighbors. I'm hoping to continue this tradition in my own way. It's fun to grow up and feel independent; but, I will always know this: truly there is NO place like home. 
          One of my favorite things about Christmas time is the music. There is so many different kinds: fun, spiritual, silly...the list goes on and on. But, Christmas makes me miss my piano like crazy. There is something about music that most people just don't understand. It explains things in a way that words just can't. Lyrics are poetry. Without music, life just WOULDN'T make sense. Its a wonderful way to contribute to the magic of the season. I especially enjoy singing along and dancing while decorating. This year for Christmas, I'm going to try really hard to remember the true reason to celebrate and to let the people in my life know that there IS a reason they're there. What it comes down to is...I love Christmas :)

Today I Learned About Heartache...

          Life is full of lessons. Some we learn the easy way...other's the hard way. But no matter what, something we can all agree on is that experience is the greatest, worst, best, most awful and most permanent teacher. I'm one of those people who apparently chooses to learn most things firsthand-aka the hard way. I'm not sure why; but, watching other experiences or hearing about them isn't something that makes a long lasting impression on my choices. I am a sensitive person. Those who know me best know that I have a very tender heart. I believe there is a difference between having sympathy and pity. I don't feel sorry for others, I just try to understand other people's perspective. When the situation calls for it, I try to have empathy for people around me. I believe in compassion. I try to see the things that most people miss. When you look at me, I see you. I believe that every person is important, rare, and beautiful in their own way and that we all have something amazing to offer. Potential is everlasting. Unfortunately, not everyone feels this way and there are people who will take advantage of people like me...I think its because they view me as 'weak.' BUT...something I just learned is that I'M the strong one. 
          I never understood why there are certain situations or challenges that turn people into monsters. Honestly, I always kind of felt like taking your pain out on everyone around you was a very selfish thing to do. Lately though, I have started to understand why some people are the way they are. I believe we all start out good. Innocence is lost with adolescence and childhood fades, but life molds us into who we are. I think people don't always choose to be bitter or spiteful...but it happens just the same. You can't always choose the way you react to the heartache and trial's life will bring you, but the key is to try and remember that nothing can fully control you without your consent. Life is NOT fair. Some people have it so much worse than others, but everyone has their own brand of challenges. Without suffering, there would be no learning. 
          With every relationship, there comes a risk...even in a friendship. It requires you to open up and TRUST the other person. When that trust is betrayed, we unconsciously give less and less of ourselves to the new people that come into our life. It's not their fault-but they get the bad end because of the wrong that was done earlier. It becomes harder and harder to give-truly and honestly of your heart. It's a sad thing, but true nonetheless. It seems like a coward move if you think about it; because, it's just allowing the pain to dictate your life. Pain is a funny thing. When its cuts deep it truly seems impossible to ignore. It consumes every thought, define's every action and inevitably carries fear into our heart. When I decide I'm hurt, it's not something I can easily separate myself from. I have a hard time stepping back from it because I feel it in everything I do. I catch it in my breath, i feel it when I walk, I go to sleep crying and wake up hiding. I can't ever face it. I feel the absence  of joy and the silence seems so loud, it feels like my head might explode. My heartache goes deep. My friends used to say that I feel things differently than most people-more intensely. I don't know if it's true, but I think its safe to say I put my whole heart into everything I do-everything I feel. Right now, my heart is hurting and it is very apparent in EVERY thing I do. 
          Hate is an awful thing. We blame other people for bad things that come into our life. I think it's easier for people to find a reason to be angry instead of to deal with their grief. When it comes to love, we choose to hate each other when things go wrong; probably because its easier than admitting to our own faults. Age is such a tricky thing. People judge you based on your age. No one knows exactly what has happened in your life, but they assume that because your young-heartache and pain is a foreign concept. I've always had a really hard time with this way of thinking. Since when is there an age limit to misery, since when does tragedy have a timeline? What is the 'right age' to start feeling things in a way that is acceptable in other people's eyes? I may only be twenty years old, but when I'm sad DON'T belittle my pain...don't downplay my heartache. My pain is mine-it's real to me. It may not be like what you have felt and it may not be life changing; but, it's there...and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can. Someone telling me that my pain doesn't exist is not only annoying, it's cruel. Revenge is pointless. It never actually helps you feel better. I'm not a person who seeks to do harm to those who have done me wrong. I don't wish bad on anyone-no exceptions. I want my friends to be happy. If someone has hurt me, that's something I have to deal with. They need to find their own way to be happy and I wish that for them. 
          Despite what obstacles come my way, I will always find a way to overcome. It may take a while, but I WILL forgive. I will move on...I will find a way to laugh again. And I will be better because of what I learned. I will be more understanding, more guarded sure...but always stronger. I am a survivor.

The Airport

     So I just started a new job working at the Denver International Airport in Colorado with my two brothers and my cousin. We all live together, eat together, work together, go to church together, watch movies together, jump in the pool together, and sing together. It has really been a lot of fun. I really love our apartment. It feels like home. My parents really hooked us up too, they bought us furniture (the big stuff like couches, a table, chairs, etc) and they bought us groceries. We have our own washer and dryer which is so nice and two bedrooms/bathrooms. Our kitchen is small but cozy. Mostly, I just love the feeling we have there. Sure there is some contention; but, overall it makes me feel loved and there is always laughter.
          I also love our new job. There was a LOT to learn but I am finally done with training which makes me graduate from a trainee to a newb! Ha! I have to wear a yellow vest which makes everyone else (with orange vest's) instantly judge my talent and abilities but I like proving them wrong. We all trained for about a week and a half and will be on probation for a while but I don't care so much. We were trained in three major areas: commo, ramp, and bags.
          Commo is really easy, but for some reason not a lot of people like it. You are assigned two gates for one day and basically you are in charge of re-stocking every plane that comes into those gates. You recieve an order form from the Flight Attendant's requesting certain things. Usually, they want pop, juice, water, napkins etc. But it can range anywhere from liquor to handiwipes. It can take some time when they need a lot but it's just busy work. You empty the trash and refill the ice and its no problem. The only hard thing about commo is opening the doors. Maybe its just because I'm so weak (being a girl and everything), but some of the older planes are really hard to get into. There are a set of red stairs and a commo cart at every gate. When the plane pulls in the gate, you move the stairs up to the door and get the order form. I don't mind commo so much.
          Next, is ramp. Ramp is a lot harder and a LOT more physically demanding; yet, most people prefer the ramp. Ramp includes a lot of different jobs. Being on ramp,  you are usually in charge of 2 gates; but, you can sometimes be in charge of 3 gates. The typical ratio is two people per gate so it can get intense. If you are the wingwalker, then you work the back of the plane. You cut off traffic for the VSR (vehicle service road) and signal the pilot to start taxing into the gate. Then you set up cones around the plane-known as the safety diamond. Fuel trucks and other bag runners must be outside of the diamond at all times. Then you chock the back wheels, drive the belt loader over, chock those wheels and bring the carry on cart over. Then, you crawl in the pit and unload the bags-first the carry on's then the regular checked bags. The sucky thing is you have to scan the bags before you send them down one at a time. After all the bags are scanned and done, you scan all the new bags and load them back up the belt loader. Then you go over to the elevator and bring down the carry on's, load them up, move the cones, shut the door and wingwalk the plane out of the gate.
          When you work the front of the plane, you stand at the very front of the gate to marshall the pilot in; essentially, you are parking the plane. Once you stop the plane, you chock the front wheels, connect ground power and air if needed. Then you move the jet bridge over (which is how passengers get on and off the plane), then you go get the carry on's, and bring them up to the passengers. The last thing you do is hook up the tow bar to the tug and plane; then, you go to the back and help unload the bags. When it's time for departure, then the person who works the front has to fill out a CLR (Cargo Load Report). The CLR tells the pilot how many bags there are: heavy, regular, standard chekced, carry on, etc and what compartment they are in:forward or back. It also has the flight number, destination city, passenger count, and special packages: dry ice, animals, wheelchairs, etc. Then you help load the back and walk inside the jet bridge to get the carry ons from passengers, talk to the gate agent, move the jet bridge and walk around the plane to see if it's ready to push back. Then, the real hard part starts:pushing back the plane. Literally, backing up the plane is super hard. I look drunk when I try to do it;but, you push it back and set the brakes, disconnect the tow bar, saloute the pilot and that's about it. Quite a lot of work for one plane. The hard thing about ramp is there are MSTs and quick turns. A MST means you only have 24 minutes to unload, load and send out the plane. Quick turns are awful too. Quick turns are when you have planes back to back to back within like a 30 minute period. It's so hard! But, I like the physical challenge of it all.
          The last thing we were trained on is bags. Bags is really not too hard most of the time-if you know where you're going. We have 95 gates on the B terminal alone and when you first start out its super intimidating! Once you grab yourself a map and get to know the tunnels, it's nothing. When you are on TOB (running bags), you are assigned a tug for the day. First thing's first, you inspect your tug checklist, get a scanner and a radio and then check in at the bubble. After you have checked in, they will give you a 'run.' It's basically an assignment to a gate number. You program the gate into the scanner and it tells you if the plane is in range, on the ground, or chocked at the gate. Typically, people go over once the plane is chocked, but I go over when the plane is on the ground and try to help out the rampers. Then, you pick up and scan all of the bags that come off of that plane. Once they are scanned, you switch to drop off mode and take the bags to their next destination. This can be city bags (ending in Denver), international bags (have to be taken into the tunnels to be x-rayed) or connecting flight bags (which can go to the make up's, drop zone, or other gates). The only hard thing about TOB is managing your time. Once the plane has landed, you only have a certain amount of time to deliver the 'hot' bags. Hot bags have connecting flights within an hour. Other bags are dropped off to make ups that will deliver them to their gate closer to the flight. It can really take quite a while when you pick up the bags from gate 45 and have to go down to the drop zone (by gate 16) as well as go to gate 91. It really takes some good time management to do the job right. The tunnels can be a little confusing at first, but it's not too bad overall.
          I really like my job because it's so diverse. You hardly ever do the same thing two days in a row and even if you do-the experience is completely different every time. There is always someone new to meet, something else to learn, and some new experience to have. I really like the people out in Denver. I have found that they are typically pretty nice, highly sarcastic, hilarious, and fun. I really like working with my brothers and cousin though. Its awfully fun when you are driving down the road and look up to see a familiar face. Its also  nice at the end of the day to have someone to ride on the shuttle with or jam out with. We have lunch together as often as we can and we talk about our days on the ride home. Its always interesting and entertaining. We have SIDA (security identification display area) badges and they are pretty legit. They can open doors that are not for the public and we have to have them on at all times. We get to go through employee security which is much faster and easier. I really have loved my new adventure in Denver so far and I hope it will continue to be fun. I really like the flight benefits we get; however, flying standby can certainly take a while sometimes (it took me 14 hours to get to Utah yesterday...worth every minute). I love working at the Airport-goofy hearing protection and all.