Running Rain

          I have always loved to write...it seems to help me figure out what I'm feeling and how much I'm feeling; but, lately I just haven't been able to find the words. I think its because I'm not sure exactly how I have been feeling, unable to describe my emotions and my thoughts. I spent a lot of time thinking about things while I was driving home from Colorado last week. The drive was beautiful and clear...so many trees and colors, but there came one spot where the rain was beating down and the sky became so dark I could barely see anything at all. I drove for about ten minutes and all of a sudden everything was clear and light again. It made me think of life and how the dark spots feel like so much of our time while we are going through them, but in the grand scheme of things they are only just a minute of madness.
          Every storm eventually runs out of rain and looking back all you can see is the darkness until you drive long enough to forget and move on. I haven't been able to stop looking back I think that's been a huge part of my problem, I can't see past the dark. Even though my rain has finally stopped, I'm still dealing with the effects of the storm. When I drove out of the black, there was a huge hill in front of me and it seemed so long and so steep and yet while I was on it, I hardly noticed the incline at all. I do that sometimes in life I think....I look at the whole thing and get so discouraged that I don't realize how strong I am while I'm on that journey.
          There is a song I heard driving the other day that pretty much describes exactly how I have been feeling. This is a little bit of it...

so your standin' in the middle of the thunder and lightnin'
i know you're feelin' like you just can win but your tryin'
its hard to keep on keepin' on when your being pushed around
dont even know which way is up you just keep spinning down

every storm runs, runs out of rain
just like every dark night turns into day
every heartache will fade away
just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

so hold your head up and tell yourself that there's something more
and walk out that door
go find a new rose, don't be affraid of the thorns
cause we all have thorns
just put your feet up to the edge, put you face in the wind
and when you fall back down keep on rememberin'

          It makes me feel a lot better knowing that eventually the pain will stop and the sadness...the feeling of betrayal and maybe one day with time I can even learn to trust again. The biggest thing I have learned this year is that there is no cure for heartache. Sometimes you just have to go through it. No distraction, no excuse, especially no amount of time spent avoiding those feelings will make them fade away; and, some will take longer than others. As much as it sucks, you just have to wait out the storm because the rain will run out.