New Years Eve

          New Years Eve was a LOT of fun this year. I spent the night walking up and down 16th street downtown. I was with two of my great friends and I met a new one as well. We danced in the street, laughed, talked, danced some more and explored every inch and corner of that place. There were so  many different kinds of people it was just awesome. Diversity is one of my favorite things in life. As we passed people, I noticed all of the scarves, hats, coats, dresses, gloves and boots I just laughed a little. It really is amazing to me how many different kinds of people there are. Every single color, ethnicity, style, and type of person you could ever imagine was on that street last night and everyone came together for one reason: to forget this year and look forward to a new beginning. The music was as different as the people and the costumes all really tied it together. I got to experience a little bit of what living in a real city was like. There were fireworks and more tall buildings on one block than I have ever seen in my life. Last night, I experienced DENVER for real ... and it was simply amazing.
          At the same time, I did a lot of reflecting last night. I was walking around listening to the music and chatter of people passing by and it was really really loud; but, all I could hear was the sound of my brain moving a thousand miles a minute. So many people were walking with purpose...to a party perhaps?...to the next big spot...walking...walking...walking forward looking ahead and none of them were appreciating the moment. I was so wrapped up in the moment-in living, breathing, and experiencing every second of last night. I'm a people watcher...ya I know probably a little creepy. But, I just love to watch people. I watched them dance, talk, kiss, run, laugh, cry, and play. I wondered to myself about what other people must think when they see me. First impressions are such a funny thing. They hardly ever adequately represent the true light and personality of people. Still-however misleading they are, they guide our thinking. 
          As the countdown was starting, everyone moved into the center square and people were shouting and laughing and screaming...it was truly the most crowded and loudest moment of my life. I have never been surrounded by so many people; and yet, I have never felt so truly alone as I did in that moment. I started the new year and I realized I have no one. Imagine never being alone and ALWAYS feeling lonely. There was a couple right behind us and they kissed at midnight and just as everyone was applauding the fireworks, I looked over and noticed that all they saw was each other. The look in her eyes was just incredible. In that moment I was more jealous of a single stranger than anyone I have ever met. He looked at her and it seemed like they could have been anywhere, done anything, and been completely happy-as long as they were together. I wondered for a second...if anyone would ever look at me like that. I realized that the beginning of this year is the beginning of a new adventure for ME...just me. I'm starting a new journey all by myself. Next year when the clock strikes twelve, I want to have a different feeling-even if I'm still alone...I want to feel strong. 
          For so long I have been alone and I have been okay with it but in the last six months I have started to become so ridiculously "Cinderella minded" that I have forgot about being strong, independent, and happy all by myself. I need to start trying to make myself happy and STOP worrying about other people. Cinderella has got to go! I can't please everyone-I'm done trying. One day I will meet someone who wants to build a life and a relationship with me; but, for now I need to stop focusing on the fact that I'm not enough. Honestly, I am a very smart person-I work hard, I study, I'm funny, I am a genuinely sweet person. Anyone who doesn't want to be in my life doesn't deserve to be-period. I am done feeling inadequate. I'm going to start focusing on my strengths. To anyone and everyone who has helped me, thank you. This is a truly a new year...and my new beginning.