'School Teacher'

            My mom has been on my mind a lot these days. I think about her a lot, I pray for her constantly, and I trust God to do the rest. Today was Fast Sunday. Usually I fast because it's the first Sunday of the month and I'm supposed to. Today, I fasted for an entirely different purpose-I fasted for my Mom. She's sick. Not the two day cold, regular coughing headache crap most people have. She's really sick. And it scares me. I guess I'm hoping that God has a miracle in store for her...for me...for our family. It was a new experience really fasting for a purpose so desperate and urgent-one so close to my heart;but, I felt the Spirit really strongly, and I felt comforted. Somehow I knew God would come and quiet my fears-if only for a moment in time. It was as if I looked up and he was there and I could only think...."I knew you would come."
         Those of you who have read my last entry will remember my mom as 'School Teacher', but she is much more than that. My mom is my example, my support, MY teacher, and ultimately my best friend. She doesn't know how much she does for me... for our family. My mom has always been the one person brave enough to help me with things. She says things that I don't always want to hear; even if I need to. She is super mom. She cooks, she cleans, she sews, she paints, she fixes; she is the oil. My mom keeps things going around our house and in my life. I am comforted and strengthened just by the thought of her and her voice can calm my worries and concerns. She believes in me and I believe in her. She has purpose.
         My mom has always been one of those people who gives up everything she wants to give it to someone else. My mom taught me the word sacrifice by example and action. She loves unconditionally-something I feed off of constantly. She worries like most mothers, but she did the absolute best she could raising me. Nothing bad I ever do will be or should be because of her. Only give her the credit for the good. She is the most supportive person I have ever known and she loves me for me. Mom is my music. She has always been the only person in the entire world who ALWAYS wants to listen to me play. She cheers me on and helps me succeed. She is not just the 'School Teacher', she is the ULTIMATE teacher. She has taught me much more than how to solve a math problem or read a sentence. 
         Perhaps the best thing Mom has ever taught me is how to be a girl. Mom always helped me dress up and look the part. She slowly eased me into make-up and still takes me shopping for clothes. When Mom thinks I'm pretty, that is when I truly shine. My insides light up for her compliments and I want in every way to be exactly like her. I think a lot of how kind and beautiful of person my mom is comes from her mom-the Grandma I never met. Mom talks about her a lot and I only wish I could have known her too. It would be amazing to have had her in my life growing up. She could have come to concerts, games, and been there for the birthday's; but, what I miss more is getting to know the one person who shaped my mother into who she is today. To you Grandma, I say thank you. You created a masterpiece. 
         At this point I'm sure the reader of this blog can only be guessing about what I meant by the word 'sick.' Well, it's hard to say. My mom has been in the hospital doing tests for a couple weeks though it seems like months. At first they thought she had TB and after that was ruled out it was Graves Disease. The current theory states that she has a bruise on her brain-though they are still running dozens of tests. They think she might need brain surgery, chemo, or something else-PURELY SCARY! All I can say is my mom is little. She has always been super model skinny, but she is super thin and loses weight constantly, she coughs every time she tries to talk-something I never cease to be aware of when I'm home-gets bloody noses, throw's up her food, doesn't have much of an appetite and gets dizzy a lot. When we walk she sees black spots and none of it seems really normal. It just seems like a lot to be something little. Please be something little. 
         I wish I looked more like my Mom, I know I look like my Dad and I'm not complaining, but she is just gorgeous. Her figure, her hair, her make up and especially her demeanor always makes her appear flawless. She thinks she is wrinkled and old but all I see is the fire in her eyes. My mom is a fighter. She works harder than anyone I know to stay in shape and has taught me a lot about self image and confidence. Well done Mom-nineteen years after me and you are still BEAUTIFUL! I love my Mom very much. Tomorrow is the day that is supposed to bring answers... let's hope there is a solution. Until I know more I will only stay worried. I sometimes think I am more afraid than her-though we never actually directly talk about her sickness. I suppose she is scared though. She has to be a little scared. 
        I am wishing for her unwavering faith and strength to carry me through. I want to feel as secure as her. What a spiritual giant. If you can't tell, my Mom is my life. Though she doesn't always know it, I will never forget it. Today was a test of my strength and trust in the Lord and I hope it will prevail into positive results. I have found that fasting is something that requires work. I'm not talking about the work required to walk past the kitchen without grabbing the banana, I'm referring to the work that requires really searching for answers and for the Spirit of the Lord to dwell with you. After all, "You can judge a fast not by how hungry you are, but by how full" . . . Mom taught me that. I love you Mom. Get well soon. Until then, still waiting...